Part 2: This portion of the Self-Esteem Series was inspired by a few of my male Facebook and Twitter friends. Whether or not men realize it, or want to accept it, they can, and often do, affect a woman’s self-esteem…especially when the ladies are young. Women, being emotional, and sensitive creatures, use outside opinions of ourselves to assist in shaping our self-image. A woman’s self-image is a prominent factor in determining how low or high her self-esteem is. So, let’s construct a scenario with Mary and John.
Mary and John meet in their undergraduate Sociology class…they are assigned to each other as partners for the first major project. Naturally they exchange phone numbers. Johnny Boy invites Mary to his dorm to work on the project…later that night, she requests him as a friend on FB. He accepts the friend request, and a few hours later, makes the following status: “On God, dude…these bitches need to invest in a pedicure! Lmao! S*it is through! Damn man…and if u think I’m talkin bout u I AM.” The status earned 5 “likes”; 4 guys and 1 girl. Mary looks down at her toes to see two of them topped with chipped polish. She’s now embarrassed, and feels to insecure to be around John. On Monday, she requests another partner for the project…leading to another status: “I can’t stand hos man!!! I swear n*gga hos can’t take the truth! Yeah u right u need somebody else on hood doe!” How does Mary feel now? Like she was wrong for requesting another partner, and like she needs a serious personality makeover.
It’s statuses, and tweets, like the above that can alter a girl’s self-esteem, for the worst.
Well, that’s one way. Men in relationships also have the power to lower a woman’s self-esteem. But woman contribute to this method, too. I hate it when a cuffed man says, “I committed to my girl. B*tches fall back, get off my dick, etc.”...I hate it EVEN MORE when his girlfriend thinks it’s cute! What!? You don’t realize that when y’all are over, he’s going to say the same thing to you??? And why would you want your dude calling a fellow female out of her name like that? Ewww! Bums man, I swear, lol.
Men…stop talking about ladies and calling them out their name. Ladies…the same. When men do it, it just makes them look disrespectful, corny, and just plain whack. But when the ladies do it, it makes them look madstupidbummyhater.com :) Happy reading and God bless!
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I agree on most of what you said, however self-esteem starts way before you get to an age where it even matters what a guy thinks. For us ladies, our self-esteem begins with our fathers. They show us how a man should treat us and when we don't receive that treatment we simply walk away. It's simple b/c you know no matter what happens or doesn't happen in your romantic life you're secure with yourself. This confidence attracts men and affirms you at the same time. On another note though, you really should make sure your toenail polish is not chipped...lol j/k. Seriously, too many of us ladies are looking for validation in our men. I'm not hatin' on anyone who has found love and a healthy relationship. Just make sure you're not compromising who you are and what's going to make you happy for the sake of saying you have a man.
Hey Ms. Lady! You are SO correct. I have battled with self-esteem before, and unfortunately, my father wasn't always in my life. When men aren't in their daughters' lives, young ladies don't have that necessary foundation that you speak about, and they do need it. When they don't come from a home where their dad tells them, or even has told them, that they're beautiful, they will look for someone else to validate that...and when that person fails to, their self-image can become very poor.
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